05 - Hero

After our conversation about authorship, God almost had me convinced that my life would be better off if I let him write it. Almost. But I was still reluctant to hand over the pen because I was afraid that without my input, God might not bring the story to its proper conclusion in which I found my Prince Charming and then mawwiage, mawwiage brought us together today as I was transformed into a princess bride.

You see, in my mind, there was no way I could become the person I thought I should be if I didn’t get married. I mean, all the perpetually single people that I knew were socially awkward beyond belief! There was one who must have been training to be a ventriloquist because she consistently talked without moving her mouth. Another one was just plain mean. My friend and I often debated whether their weirdness was the cause of their single status, or whether it was a result. I’m pretty sure it was a toss up. All I knew was that I certainly did NOT want to end up like that!

Besides that, everyone was telling me that marriage is the stamp of approval on a person’s life. It’s the sign of someone who has “made it”, who is well-thought of and respected, and who has it all together. One friend even told me point blank that my life had no purpose if I was single. So I was convinced that the only way the hero of my story could win was if I got married. Anything less would be a tragedy.

Now, I knew that I wasn’t having any success with this endeavor when I tried to write my own story, but the thing that scared me about God was that I wasn’t 100% sure about his commitment to bringing the hero out on top. I mean, in most hero tales, the hero is the one who saves the day, who gets all the recognition, and who receives the reward. But in the story of Moses, it didn’t work like that.

Instead of saving the day, all Moses got to do was to act as the emcee, announcing the way God wanted the whole thing to go down. Instead of getting recognition, all Moses got was rebuke, as the people told him they would have preferred to remain as slaves. Instead of receiving the reward, all Moses got was a brief glimpse of the Promised Land as he prepared to die. This could not have been the way Moses wanted his story to turn out! And if that’s how God treated Moses, then there was no telling how my story might conclude!

I couldn’t figure out why God didn’t seem to care that his heroes always lost in the end. Why would he offer to write my story when the resolutions to his plots were no better than my own?

That’s when God revealed the roadblock in our conversation. He said, “Jill, you’re right that Moses didn’t get the hero’s welcome in this story. But there’s a good reason for that. It’s because he’s not the hero. I am.”

And as I looked back, I realized that God had intended to be the hero all along. In fact, he announced over and over again that the ultimate objective of this whole “free the slaves” operation was for the Israelites and Egyptians to see his power and to recognize him as the Lord. (Ex. 3:12 & 15, 6:7, 7:5 & 17, 8:22, 9:16, 10:2)

His goal wasn’t merely for Moses to earn a notch on his belt by freeing his people from a few years of oppression. His goal was much bigger than that! It was to open everyone’s eyes to the fact that there is a God who brings freedom to all people, in all lands, in all times. His goal was to initiate a whole new way of doing life.

But Moses didn’t get it at first; he thought it was all about him. He assumed that he was supposed to be the hero, so when things didn’t go his way, he complained.

That’s when God set him straight. Basically, he told him, “Look, Moses. You’re stuck inside your limited, narrow-minded perspective in which it’s all about your fame and your comfort and your ego. To you, the ultimate goal is to make yourself look good. And it’s your life! You’re certainly welcome to live like that if you want to, but if you do, then the only people you’ll affect will be yourself and those immediately surrounding you, and when your story ends, it will all be over. All that will be left of you will be a fading memory.

“On the other hand, I’d like to write you into a much bigger story than that! If you could step outside of yourself for just a minute, you’d see that I’m writing a story that goes far beyond just your own little life – one that’s going to have an impact on entire nations, for generations to come. I have a purpose that I am carrying out in this world – to restore it to the harmony and freedom that I intended when I created it – and I’d like for you to be a part of that purpose. Yeah, you won’t be the main character, but you’ll still play an important role, and you’ll be a part of a legacy that lasts forever. Wouldn’t you rather be a part of that story?”

Obviously, Moses said yes. And although he didn’t get acclaim in the way that he may have planned, he actually got to be a part of something much bigger than himself. He got to line up his life with a purpose that was going to continue even after he was gone – a purpose that’s still affecting us over 2000 years later!

As I thought about Moses, I realized that we were very similar. Like him, I was confused and upset because the story wasn’t going my way. My story didn’t seem to be progressing toward marriage, and to me, that meant I was failing as a hero.

But God told me something very similar to what he told Moses. He said, “Jill, the reason you don’t appreciate the storyline is because you think you’re supposed to be the hero. And it’s your choice. You can try to be the hero if you think that’s best. You can focus all of your energies on getting married and you can make that the ultimate goal of your life. But if you do, then your purpose will last only as long as you’re alive, and you’ll have a minimal effect on the world.

“However, if you’re up for it, I’d like you to try on a different storyline in which I’m the hero. I’m inviting you to line up your ultimate goal with mine, and to join me in an adventure of epic proportions. Now, this adventure may involve you getting married, and it may not. But either way, wouldn’t you rather live for something bigger than yourself?”

The things God was telling me were very intriguing. Of course I wanted to have an impact on the world! Of course I wanted to be a part of an epic adventure!

The most intriguing thing was this: God was telling me that he already knows the end of his storyline, and it concludes with the hero’s victory – his victory. He will accomplish his purpose to set the world back on track. Now, for me, that was really good news. You see, I’d gotten myself so stressed out, always worrying that I was going to end up a failure; that I was going to be a disappointment; that I was going to go down as a tragic hero. But it was quite a relief to know that even if I didn’t achieve recognition and reward (a.k.a. marriage), my story could still be a success; that I could still have significance and purpose on a grander scale. It really took the pressure off of me to know that no matter how I fell short, the hero would still win!

For me, it was all about perspective. I had been reading my story from a first person point of view in which everything revolved around me. But the problem with that perspective was that I couldn’t see or know anything beyond myself.

On the other hand, God was inviting me to read my story from the point of view of the third person, omniscient narrator. In that case, the story wouldn’t revolve solely around me, but I would have a much better perspective on how everything fit together in the grand scheme of things.

If I could have gotten behind it, that would have been a pretty awesome perspective to adopt. But I have to admit, acknowledging God as the author and hero still didn’t make me happy to be single. That’s because I was struggling with other massive roadblocks, too – the roadblocks of feeling unfulfilled, restless, and dissatisfied. That’s where God started talking to me next.