06 - Snacks

Hungry...

Although God’s offer to be the author and hero of my story intrigued me, I couldn’t get completely on board. You see, the thing that ruled all my thoughts and decisions was this intense feeling of emptiness and lack of fulfillment. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was hungry for … Adventure? Romance? All I knew was that I couldn’t take another 70 years of the same old daily grind. I assumed that a relationship was the thing I needed to fill that void, so I just couldn’t justify doing anything that might sabotage my chances of finding a guy – including handing my story over to God.

This undercurrent of hunger and dissatisfaction flavored every moment of my life. What made it worse was that no one seemed to understand or care! Even my best friend (who had a boyfriend) blew it all off and advised me, “You just need to be joyful like I am.” Well, that’s easy for you to say, sister! You have a man!

So I decided to cover it up by acting the part of the happy-go-lucky person who had it all together. But I couldn’t fool myself, so in the meantime, I dedicated myself to keeping busy with anything and everything that would occupy my mind and prevent me from giving in to my depression – whether that was work, church functions, social activities, redecorating the house, watching paint dry – anything to stay busy.

It was during this time that I met Tom. Tom was everything I didn’t want in a guy –closed off, self-centered, and dishonest – but since I so desperately needed something to fill me up, I let myself get sucked in. He offered me a taste of the adventure and romance I wanted, and it was only when I was with Tom that I felt even slightly alive. So although I was compromising everything I believed in, and although he quite often made me miserable, the brief moments of happiness that I found with him were worth all of the pain.

Snacks...

It was then that God started another conversation with me. One day as I was leaving Tom’s house, he stopped me with a question. He said, “Jill, why are you trying to fill yourself up like this? Don’t you see what’s happening here? You’re bingeing on snacks as if Little Debbie’s going out of business, when all the while I’ve been standing here offering you a five course feast! Why are you settling?”

God sure knows how to get my attention by speaking the language of food! Besides that, when I heard his question, I was so relieved. At last, someone noticed my pain and cared! Without holding anything back, I unloaded all my hunger to God. I told him that I couldn’t stand feeling unfulfilled, that I hated how I was selling him out, that I wished I could remove myself from this mess, but I was just so scared that if I didn’t assuage my hunger at least a little bit with Tom, then I might starve to death.

I don’t know what I expected God to say back, but the response he gave me totally blew my mind. He said, “Jill, I understand what you’re saying. And the hunger you’re feeling is actually a good thing. Just like physical hunger, the spiritual kind is there for a reason – to alert you to the fact that you’re in need of sustenance. But the problem is that instead of eating the food that will actually give you what you need to live, you’re filling up on snacks – work, friends, busyness, achievements, and Tom.

“These snacks taste good, and they seem to alleviate your hunger, but in reality, they’re not giving you the nutrition that you need in order to thrive. Now, it’s not bad to eat snacks once in a while, but when you’re relying on them as your primary source of sustenance, you’re going to run into problems. It’s like eating a candy bar for dinner. It may take the edge off your hunger, but it’s not going to sustain you.

“You’ve assumed that you’re supposed to get the spiritual ‘food’ you need from a relationship. And, as a matter of fact, you’re right! It is a relationship that will give you life. But here’s the roadblock: You thought that relationship was with another person, when in fact, you’ve really been designed to get life and sustenance from a relationship with me. Feasting with me means getting to know me, finding your life in me, and living according to my plan. Ultimately, that’s the only relationship that will satisfy you. Everything else will leave you wanting more.”

Excuses...

Well, I certainly recognized what God was saying. I knew that I’d been stuffing my life full of anything possible to keep my mind off my hunger pains. I was constantly busy. My mind was constantly working. But as full as I was, I never felt filled.

Still, I wasn’t ready to sign up for this “God diet” yet. I had all kinds of excuses. First of all, I thought, maybe my problem was not snacks in general, but that I just hadn’t eaten the right snacks yet. I mean, I already knew that Tom wasn’t what I was really looking for. Maybe if I could just find the right guy, then I would have what I needed.

Plus, I was hungry NOW. I didn’t want to wait around for God’s feast to satisfy me. I couldn’t help but think of people in the Bible like David or Joseph or Abraham, who waited 20+ years for God to give them what he had promised. Would that be my fate, as well, if I decided to hold out for his feast? At least I could have snacks now!

And how could I really be sure that God had a feast prepared for me? Sure, I’d read verses like John 10:10: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” And 1 Corinthians 2:9: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” But when you really got down to it, I hadn’t seen God’s feast, so how did I know it existed? Snacks, on the other hand, were readily available. I’d rather have them than go to bed hungry!

For the sake of argument, let’s say God’s feast did exist. Well, I still didn’t want to bank on it before I’d even read the menu. What if I didn’t like what God put on my plate? I thought about people like Paul, who was shipwrecked, beaten, and imprisoned; or Job, who followed God and lost everything he had. Looking at the fate of some of God’s top guys, I was afraid that his feast wouldn’t get my 5 star review. At least snacks would give me temporary pleasure, though!

Truth...

God listened to me patiently, and then he responded with this: “Jill, your excuses seem logical, but choosing snacks over the feast always has consequences. First, eating snacks spoils your appetite. When your stomach isn’t growling so loudly anymore, you’re lulled into a false feeling of satisfaction, but in reality, you’re slowly starving because you aren’t eating from the source of life.

“Another problem is that the feeling of fullness they provide doesn’t last. Snacks just make you want more and more. So if your life comes from advancing in your career, then each promotion you get will satisfy you temporarily, but it won’t be long before you’re looking for the next advancement. Or if your life comes from human relationships, then you’ll never be satisfied unless you’re in one, and even when you are, you’ll be working to hold onto it or to find a better one. Snacks provide temporary relief from hunger, but they don’t provide a permanent source of life.

“But here’s the worst part: If all you eat is snacks, you’re going to get fat. But while you’re getting fat, the ironic thing is that you’re also starving to death. Although you’re taking in plenty of calories, they’re empty calories – not containing the nutrients that you need. So ultimately, if all you eat is snacks, you’re going to die. That’s why you feel the way you do right now – as if you’re living but not alive.

“And I HATE seeing you feel that way! That’s why I said in Matthew 5:6, ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.’ You see, the cure for your emptiness is to seek after me; not snacks. If you eat from my feast, you will be filled, even if it doesn’t happen in the way you might have expected it to.

“I know it’s difficult. But it’s just like going on a diet. When you first cut out snacking, it’s all you can think about 24/7. But eventually things start to change. You start to enjoy your meals more because you’re not filling up on snacks ahead of time. Plus, you’re able to fit into your clothes, and you start to feel better and more energetic in general. And if you stick to it long enough, your cravings will start to change. Instead of dreaming of brownies, you might actually begin to want fruit. You could never force yourself to change your desires, but when you make the choice to eat healthier foods, your feelings and your hunger will eventually follow.

“It’s the same way with my feast. It’s really hard to forgo the snacks when that’s where you’ve been trying to get your life for so long. And truthfully, you can’t make yourself hunger after me. But if you make the choice to go after me instead of the snacks, I’ll meet you where you are, and I’ll start to change things. You’ll actually begin to enjoy hungering after me and eating from my feast. Your life will ‘fit’ better, and you’ll start to feel more alive. When you make the choice to hunger after me, your feelings will follow. That’s what I meant when I said in John 6:27 & 35, ‘Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.’”

Well, God had certainly given me a lot to think about. His offer of a fulfilling feast was very appealing. But as usual, I couldn’t make the leap. It just didn’t make sense that I could be fulfilled by something as ethereal as a relationship with God. Luckily, despite my hesitation and unbelief, God wasn’t done talking to me yet.